Remember April

11 May

When you, as an individual, not the vague reference you in pronoun form to society as a whole, think back and try to remember the previous month gone by, what comes to your mind?  On April 17-I had Cornflakes for breakfast, or on April 23-I went to Walmart and spent $33. 82, or on April 8-I put gas in the car.  You probably remember the very good, the very bad, or the very special things.

Although the whole remembering thing does seem to get more complicated with passing time.  “Did I have cornflakes yesterday morning or was that two mornings before?”   “Why did I come to Walmart?”  “Empty again, when did I last fill the tank,… yesterday?”  And if your whole month is filled with special, do you, as an individual, try to remember everything or do you settle for the best of the best?  Do you desperately try to hold onto every experience because you know it will not happen again for a long time?  What does special take to be remembered?  And why is it difficult to forget the things you would rather not recall from the bad memories?  Do you ever feel guilty for not making more memories?

When we are here on the mission field, we remember April.  It was cold and wet, but that is not the memory.  We ate out often, but that is not the memory.  We went to Walmart to often to remember, but we did not come back with the recollection of a specific number of trips.  What do we remember?

Some silly things actually…buzzing bees in a box in Ted’s garage,…that chocolate thing,…marveling at the first two black teenagers we had seen since Addis Abeba walking on the street in Bluffton,…and bacon, two kilos of weight gain worth.

But those are not things I want to hold on to fearing they will not happen again for a long time.  I am not looking forward to the next fuel fillup, but I want to remember the pancakes and donuts with my grandson.  I want to remember the last afternoon baseball practice in the back yard.  I want to remember playing bucking bronco with my oldest grandson, maybe the last time because he is getting older.  I want to remember playing dollies with a pink carriage carrying a little black baby doll.  I want to remember the little girl on the cheetah on the carousel.  I want to remember lots of curls, and first  words, cheek to cheek squeezes, being called Grandpallen and GrandmaZuan, and long hugs from grown sons and daughters, and Dads and Moms and brothers and sisters.  Last on  a list which is far from all inclusive…a swimming lesson, a vocal concert preview, and a grandson who always says, “Grandpa, I love you and shows me his latest Lego creation.”

What I want to forget…the guilty feeling for not making more memories.  What do I wish was different…the inability to hold on to the vast multitude of special moments that makes remembering April fill my heart with hope.

6 Responses to “Remember April”

  1. Jim & Rachel Isch May 11, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    we really enjoyed our las visit at Bob & Ann’s 🙂 Thanks for living on the front lines.

  2. Sarah Fiechter May 11, 2013 at 8:47 pm #

    appreciate hearing your heart – the sad & happy – on this post.


  3. Vanessa May 12, 2013 at 3:25 am #

    Holding on tight to those memories too. 🙂

  4. Vanessa May 12, 2013 at 3:27 am #

    Thanks for sharing this. And until next time, we’ll hold on tight to our memories too.

  5. Klint May 13, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    Appreciate you and Susan very much! Keep holding onto those good memories!

  6. Debbie Dinkleman May 18, 2013 at 5:27 am #

    Sounds like your home visit was filled with many special blessings! Even if our memories don’t retain all the precious details, our hearts remember what matters most. Wish we could have seen you, cousins! Maybe next time….we’ll think of you when we’re together over Memorial Week-end.

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